Skip to content

Category: depression

The Secret Saboteur inside of me

The Saboteur Sometimes I watch my boys playing with their toy blocks. The eldest will carefully place one on top of the other, strategically, methodically. In a couple of minutes he has created a perfect tower, strong and steady. Then, like clockwork, the youngest will bound over and smash it to bits. The saboteur! The bricks fall and they both giggle at the hilarity of this process. I understand the youngest’s urges, I really do. The problem is it’s not so hilarious when it’s your life you’re destroying. Part of my depression over the years has included impulsive behaviour and a sort of self sabotage – especially when my tower is strong and steady. Everything going ok now? Great – what can I do to royally feck it up?…

Leave a Comment

The pathetic tragicness of November

What came first? November or depression? I can’t quite tell at this point. Picture me, if you will – I’m sat in bed, a total of five (yes fucking five) cold sores across my bottom lip and two ulcers on my tongue (a sure sign that my internal organs are waving the white flag). My nose is fully blocked, I am hardly breathing. Have you tried singing wheels on the bus with only one blow hole? There is condensation dripping down the windows, my heating is on full whack and my tired brain is stressing about the bills. And mould. I’m sipping herbal tea and shoving a banana down my throat (please now, this is not the time) because I am trying to get my body to not give…

Leave a Comment

Don’t tell me I shouldn’t be proud

A while ago I told someone I did something I was really proud of. They replied with “that’s not something I would be proud of”. I got it. The thing I was proud of was minuscule … something that required minimal effort or brains. But I was proud of myself because, for me – it was a big deal. It meant me keeping calm, solving a problem by myself without asking a man or my mummy. It also meant a lot because my anxiety and depression can lead to me throwing my arms up in the smallest of problems and call for someone stronger. I cried all the way home after that comment. I felt so stupid to be proud of something so tiny – that to others was…

Leave a Comment

Mummy’s Depressed Darling

Depression is a change in perspective. Nothing can be different in reality from this week to the next but the perception of that reality is completely altered. To bring this point home – I can actually take a photograph of myself and keep that photo on my phone. Nothing in that photo has changed, nothing has been edited. But I can look at that photo on a Monday and completely loathe what I see. I can look at the same photo, the exact same photo on a Tuesday and be so astounded at how attractive and slim I look I will post it to Facebook. Nothing has changed – except on Monday I was depressed and on Tuesday the cloud had lifted. My perspective of my reality had changed.…

2 Comments

Pages

Recent Posts

Skip to toolbar