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Category: parenting

Charlotte Tilbury – the mummy make over edition

So picture me (me!) sat in Harvey Nichols, Leeds after closing time, a glass of prosecco in my hand, watching a professional make up artist equipped with the Charlotte Tilbury make up collection, making a goddess like model even more beautiful than she started off. Well that’s all very well … but I’m not Kate Moss – I’m a mum. I’m thirty five and I have had four years now of uninterrupted sleep. Any questions? She asks. YES! I say, pumped up by my Prosecco and my empty stomach. “Say you’re a mum, a new mum even… and you have about three minutes in the morning – and you can only afford three products, what would you recommend?” She didn’t skip a beat: Charlotte’s Magic Cream (a silky smooth…

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You won’t be like Binky … beware ‘reality’ TV mummy diaries

I am a big fan of Binky and I love to escape into the scripted reality world of ‘Made in Chelsea’, watching young, nubile, supermodel types supping champagne whilst I shove fistfuls of space invaders into my gob and neck merlot out of a tumbler. It’s pure escapism, so far removed from my life as a stay at home mum. And I was thrilled to see that Binky is with child. Congratulations to her. However, something about it being on that show made me uneasy. The same uneasiness I get when I see adverts for Sam Faiers Mummy Diaries. The uneasy feeling is one of wanting to shout at anyone watching the programs who hasn’t experienced pregnancy and motherhood first hand: THIS IS NOT REAL!  Maybe people aren’t as…

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Motherhood – not quite what it says on the baking tin

About six months ago or more I bought a Peppa Pig cup cake pack from T’co-op. I saw it, in between the cheese aisle and the wine aisle and I had a vision: There was me in my kitchen, two ankle biters next to me on cute stools. We were all wearing matching novelty aprons. My eldest was cracking an egg into a giant bowl. My youngest was adorably licking the wooden spoon. Icing sugar filled the air as we all chuckled spooning the mixture into the cup cake holders. “Just think of the instagram pictures!” I thought! Just think. Well six months passed and I glanced at the packet between making mountains of toast and wiping arses and cleaning and laundry and drinking and the time never came.…

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The Tiger Who Came To The Walk In Centre

  It is a truth universally acknowledged that when your child finally sleeps the sort of hours you have dreamed about for years, you won’t sleep a wink and will be utterly convinced something catastrophic must be wrong which will result in a call to NHS 111. My son (three) just hasn’t seemed right for a few days. He’s been as emotional as me watching a John Lewis Christmas ad, he’s suddenly terrified of everything, he hasn’t been eating and he looks as white as a sheet. His neck seemed to be stiff and swollen. Then last night he slept from 4pm to 8am. So at eight o’clock this morning we (myself and grandma) shivered into the walk in centre with our little soldier to wait for two hours…

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