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Category: self esteem

Mum like no one’s watching

Mum like no one’s watching Apparently I have always had an issue with people looking at me. My mum said when I was tiny I would say “Mummy, why are they looking at me?” when out in town. She would say “because you’re so pretty sweetheart” (Mums always know what to say) but of course I didn’t believe her. As I got older and she got less patient she would say “Stephanie, people don’t care about you! They’re too worried about themselves.” But this worry of what other people think of me has remained. When I brought my new born home I honestly felt I was on some sort of Big Brother new mum cam with a panel of Health visitors and midwives in some sort of forced torturous…

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Don’t tell me I shouldn’t be proud

A while ago I told someone I did something I was really proud of. They replied with “that’s not something I would be proud of”. I got it. The thing I was proud of was minuscule … something that required minimal effort or brains. But I was proud of myself because, for me – it was a big deal. It meant me keeping calm, solving a problem by myself without asking a man or my mummy. It also meant a lot because my anxiety and depression can lead to me throwing my arms up in the smallest of problems and call for someone stronger. I cried all the way home after that comment. I felt so stupid to be proud of something so tiny – that to others was…

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What it feels like to be intimidated by a man

On my way home from work yesterday the news was on in the taxi. The continuing news about the Movie Producer rumbled away in surround sound before the driver angrily switched it off. He announced, “If these women didn’t want this to carry on then they should have said something at the time! Look at them all now coming out of the woodwork!” “mmm…” I offered out of politeness. Politeness; sometimes our downfall. “I think it’s hard when a man is so powerful and intimidating…” I continued. He continued to disagree with me all the way home and I tried to block most of it out because that very day, at the age of thirty five, a mother of two – I had been intimidated by a man to…

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