Hello from the mummy side

Mummy's Writing Darling

Hello, it’s mum,

I was wondering if after all these hours you’d like to sleep?

or roll over?

or anything?

they say Calpol’s supposed to heal ya

but you aint done much teething

Hello, can you hear me?

locked myself inside the bathroom just so I can have a weep

you’re so full of anger

and pee

I’ve forgotten how it felt before I became a giant teat

There’s such a difference

between us

and a million smiles.

Hello from the mummy side,

you must have pooped a thousand times

and told me you’re hungry, and have a sore bum

but when I change you, you still seem to be glum.

Hello from the tired eyes

my brain is completely fried

so I’m sorry, you are, so full of gas

but can you just, not be, a pain in my ass


Hello, how are you?

It’s so typical of you to not like your jumparoo

I hope, you like the bouncer,

just wanted to take you out of that cot, where nothing ever happens

It’s no secret

that the both of us

are running out of wipes

So hello from the mother side,

you must have screamed a thousand times

and told me you’re tired of a bloated tum

but when I burp you, you still, seem to be glum.

Hello from the knackered eyes

said I gave up Gin but I lied

so I’m sorry, you’ve got me as your mum

but I’m afraid that I am the only one forever more…

ever more

ever more