Let’s Daddy Pig get it on


We were once so young

and full of lust

and though our fluffy handcuffs

are gathering dust

can for one night we just pretend

that you can still seduce

and I can still bend?

Tonight we’re Carrie and Mr Big

not who we really are:

Mummy and Daddy Pig.

It’s time to enjoy ourselves,

the kids are still alive

just the fact we haven’t killed each other

deserves a pretty hard high five.

so tonight let’s have an inter-marital fling

last time you saw my full frontal

was on the maternity wing.

let’s get a tasty take away

and a big barrel of gin

and just to shake it up a bit

let’s go ahead and stay in.

just look at our gorgeous offspring,

weren’t they worth the fumble?

let’s pop on some DIY S.O.S

and raise a toast to Mr Tumble

I’ll just wear my poncho

you’ll just wear your gardening mitts

we can get the M&S meal deal

I’ll even shave my pits

we can light a Yankee candle

Put on the best of Shania Twain

pop a few paracetamol

and knock back some Aldi champagne

didn’t mean it when I said I wished you were dead

so let’s daddy pig get it on,

have children, it’ll be fun they said

quick! let’s do it – while the little gits are gone.






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