We were once so young
and full of lust
and though our fluffy handcuffs
are gathering dust
can for one night we just pretend
that you can still seduce
and I can still bend?
Tonight we’re Carrie and Mr Big
not who we really are:
Mummy and Daddy Pig.
It’s time to enjoy ourselves,
the kids are still alive
just the fact we haven’t killed each other
deserves a pretty hard high five.
so tonight let’s have an inter-marital fling
last time you saw my full frontal
was on the maternity wing.
let’s get a tasty take away
and a big barrel of gin
and just to shake it up a bit
let’s go ahead and stay in.
just look at our gorgeous offspring,
weren’t they worth the fumble?
let’s pop on some DIY S.O.S
and raise a toast to Mr Tumble
I’ll just wear my poncho
you’ll just wear your gardening mitts
we can get the M&S meal deal
I’ll even shave my pits
we can light a Yankee candle
Put on the best of Shania Twain
pop a few paracetamol
and knock back some Aldi champagne
didn’t mean it when I said I wished you were dead
so let’s daddy pig get it on,
have children, it’ll be fun they said
quick! let’s do it – while the little gits are gone.