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Tag: baby

Mummy, I’m not a baby anymore

  Today (October 3rd 2016) my three year old son walked up to me in the kitchen and shattered my heart. “Mummy” I heard. The word I hear perhaps two thousand times a day and am ashamed to tell you makes me flinch more times than not. I was busily tidying up the debris from the kitchen and uttered “mmm?” “I’m not a baby anymore.” he said. Out of nowhere. Blindsided. I looked down at him in his penguin pyjamas. His pure, pale face staring up at me. His perfect brown eyes shining, waiting for a response. I started to breathe again and felt my eyes heavy with tears forcing their way out. “I know.” I said. And then started to cry in a way mums cry in front…

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Smelly Poos

Smelly Poos Don’t whinge about your husband some people don’t have a husband or a boyfriend for that matter or friends even – to have a coffee with, and a natter some people are lonely and despair if he won’t fill the dishwasher, do you really care? You could be widowed, or too ugly for a man hold on to him Ducky, for as long as you can. Don’t go on and on about how much you loathe your job don’t you know some people have to thieve and rob? some people can’t get an interview or type a CV some can’t get their head around a bloody PC. Don’t moan about your dinner, praying to Venus oh if you could just. be. thinner Some people don’t have meals,…

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The Mum Next Door

There is a mum next door you’ve caught sight of at dawn dragging the bins out at night dragging the kids out in the morn mostly you hear her and the little terrors she bred screaming, crying, cbeebies on incessantly the Gruffalo exhaustedly read and I can bet my tax credits on the fact that she’s lonely and sad and that 38 times today the toddler has driven her mad she worries so much about what her neighbours must think she avoids their eyes as she stands sobbing at the kitchen sink Lord oh Lord, what next door must hear will she get reported for the children’s noisy tears? You’ve seen her offspring in the garden wearing only their nappies you’ve seen her shouting at them not to eat…

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The Tiny Shoe

  It’s hard to put my finger on the moment that we knew but I think it all came down to a tiny little shoe   Oh the things that we’ll do the people that we’ll see once it resumes to just being little old you and little old me   we can have actual adults around have grown up dinner parties without having to stop between courses to wipe those little arses   we can have a clean home i’ll bring in a ‘no shoes’ law no porridge, dribble and lego strewn across our floor   we can go to foreign places to couples only resorts we can lounge around on cruises not a single child friendly caravan thought   we can Kondo the shit out of life…

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