You won’t be like Binky … beware ‘reality’ TV mummy diaries

  I love to escape into the scripted reality world of ‘Made in Chelsea’, watching young, nubile, supermodel types supping champagne whilst I shove fistfuls of space invaders into my gob and neck merlot out of a tumbler. It’s pure escapism, so far removed from my life as a stay at home mum. And I […]

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Motherhood – not quite what it says on the baking tin

  About six months ago or more I bought a Peppa Pig cup cake pack from T’co-op. I saw it, in between the cheese aisle and the wine aisle and I had a vision: There was me in my kitchen, two ankle biters next to me on cute stools. We were all wearing matching novelty […]

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Good Lord, he really is a little shit isn’t he darling?

  You could never have met anyone on this planet more desperate, more excited and more suited to be a grandparent than my mother. She had me, her perfect only child, obviously, and then began her wait to become a grandma. She waited a long thirty years. I saw her disappointed face after every relationship went […]

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The soul destroying struggle of “please don’t wake your baby brother up”.

  Every single morning starts the same. 4am. And yes we have black out blinds, and yes we have a sodding Gro-clock, and yes we have tried later bedtimes, earlier bedtimes, no naps, naps, more food, less food. The only thing we haven’t tried at this point is a tranquilliser gun, but if they manufactured […]

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The Slow Clap

  Yesterday evening, thirteen hours into my day with my two young sons, I sat, slumped on the closed toilet lid watching them in the bath together. The three year old, long and slender, pale, the water only covering his bent knees; The ten month old sitting stoutly, portly and stocky, his two lone teeth […]

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Where my son decides to shit is none of your beeswax

  Today my son did a shit (as he does every day). Today it was in front of a plumber in his nappy (my son’s, not the plumber’s) – which doesn’t happen everyday. As the plumber looked at my baby and my three year old boy remarking “looks like you’ve got your hands full!” the […]

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The moments we ‘do’ treasure : Eating toast, pot bellies and watching the rain.

  There are a number of things not to say to a parent who has had a really long, exhausting, bad day with their child / children: You don’t know how lucky you are, things were worse in my day! I lived through the war. You don’t know you’re born love! You were a little […]

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Let’s Daddy Pig get it on

  We were once so young and full of lust and though our fluffy handcuffs are gathering dust can for one night we just pretend that you can still seduce and I can still bend? Tonight we’re Carrie and Mr Big not who we really are: Mummy and Daddy Pig. It’s time to enjoy ourselves, the […]

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